A Working Mum and Carer, one year in…

This Article first appeared on Law.com International on 14 June 2024.

My life took an unexpected turn when my 4-year-old son, Ivor, was diagnosed with Angelman Syndrome just after his third birthday. This neurogenetic disorder brings severe learning difficulties and issues with movement and balance. Most people with Angelman Syndrome will never talk, and some will never walk, requiring continuous care throughout their lives. The diagnosis turned my world upside down.

I did question whether I was able to carry on working as a solicitor. It was hard enough being a working mum to three children, and now on top of this I had become a carer too. Life was literally fit to burst, both practically and emotionally. But I hung in there through the madness, and I’m so glad I did. It’s an endless balancing act, but one that works primarily because I am able to work flexibly (I work part-time and remotely).

Flexible working is absolutely essential and is especially key for anybody with extra pulls on life, for whatever reasons. This is how we retain knowledge and experience, and increase employee retention and diversity within our workplace. On an individual level it means that we can manage our lives so much better.

I find that switching off from home life when I’m at work helps to keep me sane – and oh I do look forward to the peace and quiet of my desk! It’s good to use my brain, good for my professional pride – and it’s made me even more determined to be a super lawyer, to show people that it’s possible, that you can rely on me.

On the flip side, diving into home life after I turn off my computer certainly helps to keep any work stresses in perspective. There’s no time to dwell or worry. Life moves at 100 mph. Slinging a 20kg Ivor on my hip as I race to yet another appointment, more forms and calls, doing things that Ivor can’t (which is pretty much everything – from dressing, to eating, to toileting), endless nights where I barely have any sleep, and then of course finding the energy to be a mum; giving all of my children the attention, fun and love that they deserve. It’s utterly exhausting.

But it’s not all bad. I get to totally immerse myself in the joys of it all too – the smiles and cuddles, to be Ivor’s voice and help him with his development, the small steps, the simple innocent love. And I get to be there, to be the backbone of the family, to hold us together, to
not miss a thing.

My roles inevitably overlap at times, but I’ve learnt to accept that that’s ok; I’m only human. Every parent has been there trying to send one last email with a child dangling around our feet. With a bit of juggling, extreme muti-tasking and self-discipline it works, most of the
time.

It’s about balance, which is incredibly difficult to find sometimes. But generally speaking I look forward to the other without feeling totally overwhelmed by either. I find life is more rounded this way, more fruitful. Within minutes of logging off I can be playing a baby rhinoceros for Ivor (just imagine!) – and the look of sheer delight on his face makes this mad world all worth it.

Have my career ambitions changed? Undoubtedly yes. In a different world I would be climbing back into a manging associate role by now and pushing off from there – but I realise that this is simply not possible now, at least not in the traditional way. I have been given a new voice though – which is something I will use for all its worth to push for disability awareness and positive change in the legal sector.

By writing this piece I want people to know that it’s possible – you can work and you can care.

And I also want people to know that I have a disabled child. It’s part of who I am. I want people to ask me how I am when I’m looking a bit tired, what day to day life is like, what drives me and gives me hope. If we don’t talk about it, nobody will understand. Talking about such personal matters isn’t for everyone, but I find it hugely cathartic and empowering. I can’t cure Ivor’s disability but I can use my voice to raise awareness, and that’s what drives me.

I’m only one year into this crazy new world and still trying to find my feet. Will I ever? Probably not. But I’ll carry on doing the very best I can, with all my different hats on!

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